I have thought long and hard about what I wanted to talk about in my first blog, you could say I have spent a few wasted hours procrastinating over it (hmm….maybe I could do with some coaching on that!)
We are living through a time of significant change and change that is happening at a pace we have never experienced before. Alongside that there are lots of assumptions being made about how we are all feeling and how we should be feeling about the future.
It’s quite easy to get swept up in all of those assumptions and to worry if you aren’t feeling the same way as the people around you. I have experienced a wide range of emotions over the past year. Those emotions changing weekly, daily and sometimes hourly and rarely have they been in sync with the people around me.
If any of that resonates with you I want to say it’s ok to feel that way, it’s completely normal and you are doing a great job!
Hands up who has lived through a global pandemic before? This is new territory for all of us. It’s been tough, it’s been scary, it’s been relentless and more than anything most of it has been out of our control.
As humans we aren’t used to having control taken away on such a huge scale and in the main the feeling of being ‘out of control’ leaves us feeling anxious. I don’t think I have worked with one client throughout the pandemic who hasn’t mentioned their lack of control, and the negative impact that has had on them
Of course there has still been plenty of things in our control, but how many of us have actually had the time and head space to take stock of that, reflect on what we have achieved in the last year and how we have developed and grown?
That is where I feel I have brought most value to my clients over the past year. I have provided time and space for them to be completely honest about how they are feeling, to think purely about themselves without feeling they would be judged or that their feelings aren’t justified because other people have it ‘tougher than them’.
I have supported individuals to reflect on their strengths and all the things they have achieved (and wow have we all achieved!) and the difference they have made. I have supported them to focus on what is in their control and challenged them around the decisions they have felt were out of their control, yet still took up space in their heads. Most importantly I have challenged their thinking and made them realise that how they feel matters too, regardless of what other people are going through.
As a coach I pride myself on having a toolkit full of the right questions and resources that support my clients to unlock their full potential and achieve their goals. I have realised that the most powerful question in that toolkit right now is one I have been using all of my life but never really valued before…….
How are you?
I am guessing, like me, you ask this question many times each day. I am also guessing you get asked this yourself? Am I also right in thinking you have a stock answer, one you don’t really think about and it’s out of your mouth without you really thinking about it!?
Mine is “I’m good thanks”.
I realised some months ago what I fraud I was being! I was asked that question a few times each day and I gave that same response, when actually some days I wasn’t feeling ‘good’. So I started to answer it more honestly. I think it’s fair to say it got mixed responses! Many of my friends and family were grateful for my honesty and in turn were more honest about how they felt too. Others weren’t really sure how to react (note to self… do not overshare with strangers!) but actually both of those reactions were ok, what was important was I was being true to myself and in that moment I was reflecting on how I truly felt and that in turn left me with a choice to either do something about it or make peace with it. It was in my control!
I started asking my coaching clients how they were, letting them answer with the ‘stock phrase’ and then asking them again how they really were. It’s simple but so hugely liberating. Coaching has taught me that until we are honest with ourselves we cannot move beyond where we are and I am happy to admit that it’s the same for me as a coach.
I know this is the first time I have spoken to you but I feel like you are up for a challenge? So……
How are you?…… How are you really!?
How are you feeling about your current situation?
How are you feeling about the future?
What have you achieved in the last 12 months and how will that support you in the months ahead?
If you would like to explore how coaching could support you with your future goals or help you ‘take stock’ of where you are right now, then I would love to have a chat.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope it’s made you realise what a brilliant job you are doing.
Take Care
Debs